18 years old in love.. 20 years old paranoid schizophrenia

there are times that you go crazy thinking that the one you love doesn't love you anymore.
that he belongs now to someone else..

 there are times that you do nothing but curse life because you think you deserve better than what you have..

there are times that your leaving your responsibility behind, because you are thinking that you should do what ever you want..

there are times that you hate all the people around you.. just because you always want to be correct..

there are times that you get mad because you want all your plan be followed. whatever happens.

there are times that you get paranoid because you're thinking that you aren't beautiful like other girls in the city, that the one you love will replace you because of that.

there are times that you dream, but no one supports you..

there are times that you want to express what you feel but you're incorrect..

there are times that you cry, you want to shout, you get jealous.. cause you're in love..

there are times that you want to let go cause you think he deserves better than you..

there are times that you just want to go to  a place where no one knows you..

there are times that you hate yourself for hurting the one you love.

there are times your lonely..

there are times you feel so alone cause you dont have someone else to talk but the one you love, but he is not around..

there are times that you will ask for rose.. but you get thorns..

there are times that you dream, you cry and want to die..

there are times that you rush things, want to get married, cause your afraid of losing him..

there are times that you walk away, want to go home alone, but after a few minutes you will back to his arms and just surrender cause you dont know the way home..

there are times that you give up and ask for break up.. but in the end you will say sorry.. cause you know that you cant leave without him..

there are times that you hold hand and reminisce the day that you meet.

all the pain go away, when he kiss you and embrace you in spite  of the worst person inside of you..

all the hesitations go away at the end of the day knowing you are s in love with a perfect man..

#iloveyou so much david jonathan nueva espana#im so sorry for everything#thanks for loving me even at my worst#

sulat ng patawad.

isang nakakapagod na araw.

yung pakiramdam na physically pagod ka na, mentally, emotionally, spritually. yung pakiramdam na gusto mo nang mamatay kasi hindi ka na masaya.. nakakapanghina. higit sa lahat yung pakiramdam na gusto mo nang iwan yung taong mahal mo kasi nasaktan mo sya ng todo-todo.. nakakalito.. kalaban mo pa sarili mo..

nakakainis yung mga oras na sobrang galit ka, na hindi mo na alam masasakit na pala yung sinasabe mo.
yung mga oras na sobrang nagkakasakitan na kyo, na parang tumigil na ang oras sa parte na yun.. nakakainis yung hindi mo na kilala sarili mo kasi iniisip mo bakit mo nagagawa yun e hindi ka naman tlga ganun.

masakit masaktan ng pisikal. yung sampalin ka ng halos matanggal na mukha mo sa sakit, yung sakalin ka, masakit yun.. pero masakit yung alam mong yung taong nanakit sayo nasasaktan ka gawa ng mga salitang nabibitawan mo. mas masakit yun. mas masakit yung pakiramdam na nasasaktan mo yung taong mahal na mahal mo.

nakakapanghina pag yung taong mahal na mahal mo nakikita mong umiiyak, wala sa sarili, paulit ulit nyang binabanggit lahat ng mga salitang nabitawan mo na masasakit. malungkot. sobrang lungkot. parang pakiramdam mo sasabog yung isip mo, puso mo at yung pakiramdam  na parang kaluluwa ka nalang na ligaw.

at pagkatapos ng ganun sandali, maiisip mong mali lahat yun.. manghihingi ka ng patawad sa lahat ng salitang nabitawan mo. pero para san pa, nasabe mo na.. kahit sabihin mong galit ka lang kaya mo nasabe yun..  para san pa nasaktan mo na sya.. pano kung sobrang bait sayo ng taong yun, walang inisip kundi maging perpekto ang relasyon nyo.. hindi nya dapat nararanasan na masaktan.. mahirap..

pagtigil ng oras.. tapos na ang bagyo.. wala na yung ulap.. andaming nawala.. ang hirap bumangon.. yung pakiramdam na nakakailang.. nakakahiya.. yung pakiramdam na gusto mo na muna lumayo.. hanggang makalimutan mo lahat ng nangyari... nakakapanghinayang..  nakakalungkot.. nakakapagsisi..

tama sila, kapag galit ka.. hanggat maaari wag na wag ka mag bibitaw ng salita........
kasi mas masakit pag yung taong mahal mo nasaktan mo dahil sa mga salitang nabitawan mo...